Look what’s back! Thank you all for voting, it was a close one.
This series will usually consist of three Q’s answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.
To enhance this feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!
Do all boys believe in the three date rule? I want to extend it to date 5 but is that unfair?
Sex is always the main topic of conversations, whether it’s within this segment or over cocktails with the girls. Or maybe I have perverted friends (lets not pull at that thread actually).
The reason that sex is always discussed is because it’s so complex, so complex that it cannot be determined by a simple ‘three date rule’. Nothing about sex should be quantified by numbers: body count (how many people someone has had sex with), the age in which they lose their virginity or how long it takes them to begin a sexual relationship with a partner, stranger or friend.
Determine where you got the three day rule from, I’m betting rom-com’s and the odd questionably labelled teen-flick. Unlike these films most boys don’t hold boom boxes outside houses, pass notes in class and none of the classics fairly represent the LGBT community. So why do we compare our own love lives to these fictional characters?
You have sex when you want to have sex. With who you want to have sex with, if both parties consent.
However, and I cannot stress this enough, please never ever feel that you should be having sex just so you don’t disappoint the other person. This is not consensual sex. Hopefully, your partner would also not want to have sex if they knew you weren’t entirely ready.
Sex is an act to participate in when you’re both comfortable, consenting and (shockingly) turned on. This doesn’t matter if it’s five minutes after meeting in a club when you’ve exchanged first names, on a first date, six months down the line, five years into a friendship or on your wedding night.
How do you know when it’s time to give up and move on? Like when someone has a new girl but you still like them
Ergh, we have all been there, most of us multiple times.
This is purely up to the amount of feelings you have, the people involved and the relationship (in this case lack of one – too soon?) When I’ve found myself in a similar position I always try to ask myself a few questions first, once I’ve finished crying: why did your romance end? Were you at fault or them? Do you feel they still have feelings or not? Have you already tried to win them back? Are you near begging? How long ago did the romance end? Would it work?
Asking yourself these pretty black and white questions allows you to rationally analyse the relationship. For instance, if it probably won’t work then leave it be. If you cheated, shame on you and respect their wishes. If there’s someone new involved you’ve got to decide whether your feelings are strong enough to be thrown into a love triangle. Maybe not by getting drunk and showing up but instead by expressing your emotions (sober) and during daylight.
Remember, your feelings aren’t the only ones to think about…
Their feelings are just as important as yours, and if they’ve moved on there is most definitely a reason for that. It’s up to you both to decide if it’s a reason you can work through.
If you decide to act upon your feelings and try to win back your partner please respect the new relationship and most importantly yourself. No means no, and that can be hard to accept but nobody ever wanted someone back who begged. Nor do you want to be the person who has to beg.
Be the best version of yourself and let them decide, it may be time to move on just as they seemingly have.
There’s that one person, you’ve always heard about, seen about, but haven’t really had the time to talk to! But you constantly find yourself going back to their profile or having a small chat and non stop thinking of them. What would you do, how do you curve this?
You have what the dictionary would call a ‘crush’. Cute! I guess it’s time to decide whether that crush is something you want to act on.
Crushes are harmless and usually pretty fun to have. You never know, they might have a crush back. We’ve all seen the Twitter stories that share the ‘first DM’ all the way to prom proposal. That could be you.
But, only if you act on it.
It’s important to decide first if you want to act on this crush and what you want out of your interaction. Maybe you need to evaluate what it’s attracting you towards the person. You say you’re thinking about them non-stop but the only notable compliment you share is that you ‘hear about them a lot’. Is that because you’ve been listening for their name or that you would like to have something others have expressed they want?
Some people believe in love at first sight, some don’t. But if someone has caught your eye, especially for a continued amount of time like you’re suggesting, it might be nice to explore those feelings and see if you’ve been noticed back.
Be prepared for any reaction you might get. You can either play it cool with a couple of ‘likes’ thrown at their profile and replying to the odd story while hoping you run into them or you can be bold and make a move. Dum, dum, duuuuuun. Tailor your action based on your feelings, how serious you are about perusing the individual and their personality.
Are they a person waiting to swept off their feet, a shy and reserved individual or a commitment-phobe? This is where your watching and waiting, in a non stalker capacity (hopefully), may just come in handy.
Good luck anonymous.
Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!
Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.
Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.