#11 Chats with Charlie

After a short break the popular segment is back! Apologies to anyone who has waited a long time for a response, the break from the segment was unanticipated and due to deciding whether this feature fit the sites re-vamp! After much debate (fitting I know) I decided that as the column is so popular and Q’s were still being sent in that it would be rude not to respond and keep this going.

However, the segment will now go live once a month.

The column has an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered! Now, that’s enough small talk, lets get to it!

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Hey, so you said in your post to keep you updated on my little issue. We were really good friends in high school and it was kind of a comfort for me he got me through a lot. In short, we fell out of touch but I always wished we had something more. He now has a girlfriend. I have also seen him where I work for the first time in two years a total of three times this summer and he won’t even look at me. I think I’ve realised it’s the comfort I crave and maybe it’s more of a problem with myself that I’m projecting onto him.

cropped-blue-logo.jpg Hello re-visiting reader! I’m so happy you came back to the AskFm inbox and cannot apologise enough for your long wait – I really do apologise as I thought the link had been closed temporarily while the site was having a re-vamp and getting more into debate topics. However, now this column is back up and running again I’d like nothing more than to assist you with your problem!

As it’s been over a month I would really like you to message again, this time with more detail as there have been dozens of questions previously answered on this column and your projected feelings would be something that I would really like to help with and talk through. Also, I think as it’s been a month since you’ve seen this request it would be good to hear how you’re feeling now in case your feelings have developed or you have more understanding as to why you’re feeling this way. Once you have sent in via this link I will respond within 24 hours with the advice rather than making you wait four weeks until the segment next goes live!

I’m looking forward to hearing from you!


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I’ve had anxiety since the start of the year but recently going through a lot of stress it has gotten really bad. I’m too scared to speak to a professional for advice and help but don’t know where to go from here 😦 I attempt to reach out to friends, they never seem interested.

cropped-blue-logo.jpgThere are no two ways about it, anxiety is a bitch and sadly it’s a bitch that 1 in 6 people struggle with at some point in their life.

This is not how you want to live, no-one would want to live with this crippling anxiety shadowing their day-to-day life. A few weeks ago I read a piece online that described anxiety as living with that feeling that you’re about to fall off your chair, that quick sharp intake of breath and increased heart rate that rock your entire body before you get your feet firmly on the ground again. However, with anxiety your feet never quite get back on the ground firmly enough.

Was there a particular trigger for how you’re feeling? Did an event happen that you would feel comfortable working through with a professional? If there’s a root to your distress then it may be easier to confront it head on rather than deal with the after waves constantly in your day-to-day life.

Though I can appreciate that this is easier said than done, whatever is causing you to feel this way will have a reason for affecting you so badly – even if you can’t pinpoint that reason yourself.

I would recommend taking a deep breath and a small step in the right direction towards dealing with this anxiety: pick up the phone and call a therapist. Or, go to the doctor (with a supportive family member or friend) and explain how you’re feeling and ask for an NHS referral.

If these things are too hard then just start by talking to a friend, if you feel like they’ve not taken you seriously previously then give them one last chance. One last chance where you don’t beat around the bush or belittle your own feelings. Tell them you’re really struggling and that you need them now – that’s why they’re their after all. Whether it’s face-to-face or over Snapchat so the text can disappear just start talking and don’t stop until you feel a difference because I promise you anxiety can be dealt with – if done correctly.

I was also part of that 1 in 6 statistic just over five years ago and I know how it feels to struggle so hard to get those words out that your tongue fills your mouth. If you need a little encouragement or just to feel not so alone then check out my story – this isn’t some cheesy self-promotion, well not totally (joke!), but an outreached hand. What I found most helpful was teaching myself to view my anxiety symptoms as excitement – the clammy hands, thumping heart and dizziness! Sounds silly but different things work for different people and you will find that thing that works for you.

Please keep myself, and other readers, updated with your progress whether it be good or bad and send another message whenever you have the time! Good luck!


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I’ve just seen your tweet that you’re bringing back the agony aunt bit, if you can here’s my question… How do I tell an ex that I still love them? It has been two months.

cropped-blue-logo.jpg Yes, you saw @elephants_voice tweet anticipating the return of this column! I’m glad you did as I’d be happy to advise you on this particular situation as let’s be honest – we’ve all been there.

It can be very difficult to accept when a relationship comes to an end, especially when your feelings for your other half have not ended. These feelings never just disappear, even when the person does. It can be six months later when you walk past your old hang out that all those feelings come rushing back or over a year later when you’re in the car and you have to pull over because you drive past their car -does it sound like I’m speaking from experience? I am. We all are. Everyone has not just ‘the one’ that affects how fast their heartbeats but anyone they’ve had a relationship with.

Try to remember and think why the relationship ended, not just the catalyst to the breakdown but all the little things – the small arguments that kept cropping up, the heartache of realising that time apart was necessary and then try to think of what they’ve been doing for the last two months. Eight whole weeks without you.

Have they spent those eight weeks crying into tissues while watching soppy romcoms? Maybe they’ve been out every weekend with their friends drinking? They might be okay. But, they might not be. Then remember that even if they aren’t okay that may not always mean they want you back.

Take some time to think about whether you’re missing the normality of your relationship or whether you’re missing the person. If you are missing the person it’s then time to try to think whether a) this person wants you back too and b) if you did get back together would it work or would you come full circle and break up once again.

It can be difficult to come to terms with the end of a relationship, no matter how long it lasted. But try to remember that mourning what you’ve lost is not always wanting it back. This was something I had to come to terms with myself this year – it’s a hard lesson to learn but sometimes it just doesn’t work.

If after taking some time you still feel the same then try to reach out and contact your ex, don’t push it, but show that you’re open to talk. If they are too then just share your feelings. After sharing a relationship together then a conversation shouldn’t be hard, right? Wrong, this will be hard, really fucking hard. But, if it was me, I’d rather put me heart out there and live without regret than to always wonder.

 

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Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

 

2 comments

  1. Kayleigh Zara

    I love these posts of yours, you’re amazing at giving advice and honestly I’d agree with all of your answers especially on the anxiety question as mental health can be such a hard thing to comment on and help someone else with! I also have found myself still thinking I’m in love with an ex at one point and I didn’t progress it any further which for me was the best thing as I able to move on and be happy with a different partner x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thats so so sweet to say! I really appreciate all of that and cannot tell you how much it means that you connected with my post in such a level.
      Anxiety and moving on can both be hard but it’s good to know you’re in a better place now ❤️✨

      Like

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