#10 Chats with Charlie

Three Q’s are answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.

To enhance this feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!

 

21476129_1913888055537428_773409480_n

Have you got a difficult Q just like this one? Send it in here

 

My friend doesn’t believe me over something stupid I got accused of because she doesn’t want to fall out with her boyfriends family. I think it’s dishonest and I’m offended that they didn’t take my side. Am I overreacting or do I need to say that I think it’s disloyal and rude?

cropped-blue-logo.jpg I can understand your predicament – but you also need to understand here. She’s stuck between offending her friend or her boyfriend’s family, aka she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you were in her position who would you believe?

Your friend may believe you but be scared to confront her boyfriend for fear of jeopardising her own relationship – though it’s hard to judge this without knowing the full context of what they do not believe. Does she believe you’ve done something wrong?

It sounds like your side against her boyfriends and, as we all know, it’s easy to be blinded by emotions – especially when that emotion is love.

I totally understand your frustrations, especially if (as you say) you have done nothing wrong, as you feel that your own honesty is being questioned by a friend – someone who’s meant to have your back in arguments such as this. But, your friend is also probably struggling to decide who she trusts more, her friend or boyfriend.

It’s okay to be annoyed at her for doubting your honesty in this situation, but it’s also okay for her to take her boyfriend’s side – she’s stuck in a tricky position and you’re suffering the consequences.

Let some time pass for things to cool down and then I’d reach out to her – ask her why she believes her boyfriend over you. If her lack of trust in you is the reason for the argument then maybe it’s time to question your friendship. But, if she confides that she’s stuck as the argument is between two people she cares for deeply then try to understand – it’s not a situation you’d like to be in either.

 


21476316_1913888078870759_270964337_n.jpg

As a girl how do I know if I just find a girl attractive and want to be her OR if I fancy a girl and actually (want to be) with her – am I a lesbian if I can’t tell the two apart?

cropped-blue-logo.jpgI cannot even count a number of times I’ve been asked this question or similar! Both sexes struggle with sexual identity. Want to know the big secret? There is no definitive yes or no answer, sexual attraction isn’t black and white – it’s more of a spectrum.

You don’t fall in love with a gender, you fall in love with a person. Same as a crush can be because of someone’s appearance or persona – not what they’ve got in their pants. (Though some people may admit here that a healthy rumour can make someone more attractive in that department!)

Try not to focus on putting your feelings into a category – gay or not gay. This isn’t a ‘love me, love me not’ flower, this is real emotions.

Depending on age our feelings and confusion can fluctuate, this can also vary depending on what’s happening in a person life. Has this attraction been instant or has it grown over time? Do you find their body attractive or their personality? Are you jealous of them or jealous of those close to them?

The easiest way to answer all these questions is this – do you want to kiss them, sometimes? All the time? If there is a hint of this urge why not try to read the signals of the situation. Noone wants to be kissed without warning so don’t jump right on in but watch them, maybe try flirt a little and kiss them then. Did they kiss back? Did they pull away and laugh? Did you like it?

Most importantly – do not make this move when you’re drunk, there is a chance your feelings are just confused with a strong bond and finding your friend hella cute – but don’t down three shots and then try to find out otherwise you won’t know!

Feelings are fun – but think of her feelings too!

Good luck, and remember that you can have fun with the same sex and not want to settle down with the same gender. Love and sex is all about fun – don’t over think it and just do what feels good and right, for both of you!


21552997_1913888082204092_1159403104_n.jpg

Annonymous sender struggles with a self-conscious friend!

If I upload something a friend doesn’t like, but it’s my profile, should I delete it? I don’t feel obligated to as it’s my account!

cropped-blue-logo.jpg It’s your account. It’s your photo. But it’s still your friend’s body.

Try to put yourself in their shoes, they do not like the photo. Hence why they want you to delete it.

If roles were reversed would your friend delete the image if you were unhappy? Some friends would and some wouldn’t. The decision is totally yours as your friend can always untag herself – most images cannot ruin someones life (or reputation) just from a simple upload. Though there are some that can.

How badly do you want this photo to be on your profile? Is it worth your friendship? You’d expect a photo to be taken down if they loaded one you weren’t too keen on. Reassure your friend if you really do think they look okay in the photo.

I know it doesn’t seem fair and trust me I’ve been there – I fell out with one of my closest friends over a couple of photos for over a year and our friendship has never been the same, I haven’t even seen her since. I didn’t load the photo and she was still upset with me for arguing it. Your friend may be upset, just like mine was, that you’re even arguing the point. But there are two sides to this, it’s your profile too.

Treat other how you want to be treated – and maybe try crop the photo?


 

20289794_816527635177451_1568104577_n

Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

 

12 comments

  1. fayejessica

    This is such a great idea!

    There’s some great advice here from you, I’ve found a lot of your answers very helpful.

    Faye Jessica | fayejessica.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jasmin N

    For the last one, is the picture of her/his friend or is it just something that the friend doesn’t like? Because if it’s the last one I think that one has the right to post basically whatever they want without worrying to offend someone and if that friend gets offended then the friend doesn’t have to like it 😀 that’s how I see this. Though, if it’s a picture of the friend I’d think twice and ask the friends permission to publish it and if the friend says no I wouldn’t do so 😀

    Like

  3. Kayleigh Zara

    These are some amazing peices of advice as always. I really like the answer to the first question it’s so balanced x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: