This week the segment experienced a high number of questions via the AskFM link, thank you all for being so eager and sending so many in! Greatly appreciated and the segment is growing in readers every single week.
I’m really struggling with forgiving someone for the shit they’ve done to me, they’ve apologised but continue to do the same things everyday. Any advice?
People’s behaviours can be one of two things: their natural personality trait or them reacting to something.
When does do these behaviours happen? It’s hard to give focused advice when I’m not sure what what they’re doing to upset you so much. There are some behaviours that are unforgivable such as cheating or abuse. As you haven’t labelled the behaviour I don’t want to assume anything and over complicate your problems or just be way off the mark.
However, anything that anyone is doing to upset you is wrong.
Sometimes forgiving isn’t the way to react, especially if someone continues to expect forgiveness. There are some people that will always prefer to ask for forgiveness instead of seeking permission and showing respect.
You need to think whether they’re continuing to do things that they know will hurt you. If so then it’s time to ask yourself whether you want to have someone in your life who is putting their behaviours before your feelings.
It can be hard to make that decision and sometimes the resolution can be to just sit down, talk honestly and show your feelings – show how much it’s hurting you and that you cannot continue as things are.
You deserve, like everybody does, to feel appreciated and respected. Not continually hurt.
Thoughts? So, I’m nearly 20 and I’ve never even kissed someone. I kind of feel like an outsider and I don’t really like to admit this.
There is no specified age for people to experience physical intimacy. There is no rule book and when people need to touch a boob or rub a penis. You don’t owe your body to anyone, you don’t owe your experiences to an imaginary time limit that you feel it ticking away. It’s all down to you, your body, your desires and sexual urges, your desire to feel intimate and your feelings towards people.
I understand it’s hard. It can be hard to find someone you want to be so vulnerable with, whether it’s a kiss, sex or holding hands. I remember waiting over a year longer than all my closest friends before I was comfortable to even think about having sex with somebody – I wasn’t yet comfortable with my body and emotionally I wasn’t ready, and that’s okay.
It’s okay that you’re not yet ready to share your body with somebody, any part of your body. Because guess what? It’s your fucking body.
Don’t feel like an outsider because of your decision to listen to your body.
Feel empowered. And, when you’re ready, feel sexy and confident enough to enjoy your sexual desires.
If you rush yourself and your body you will regret it. I have more friends that have these regrets than don’t. I know middle aged people who’ve only been with one person their entire life and wouldn’t have it any other way. You, and only you, know what’s right.
Don’t listen to sitcoms, don’t read cosmopolitan and question your decision, don’t feel pressured, don’t feel undesired: DO take your time.
When I’m on my period, I could sometimes hit really low lows. I know it’s normal to have mood swings but I don’t know if some of the negative thoughts I have are normal with periods. Do you think seeing my doctor is a good idea?
If you’re concerned enough to send an anonymous question to me then I’m concerned by that alone. If you’re worried about your mood swings then go to your doctor and they can give you some medical advice.
Mood swings are normal during a period, as you said, however hormonal changes can be serious. Different contraceptive pills can aid or abet your emotions and all those other symptoms that come along with lovely mother nature, here’s more information on that lovely bitch here.
If you feel that your emotions can yo-yo drastically without control then that can be a warning of deeper emotional problems. Your period can create hormonal imbalance, this is not unusual. I have to take a contraceptive pill to keep my hormones on a level – it’s not unusual and can be easily rectified within your first cycle if you find a pill that suits your body.
Your body may also be using your period to increase hormones that are already unsettled. There are so many different things that could be attributed for the way you’re feeling but if you don’t feel in control of your feelings then you need to figure out what it is and try to regain control.
Hormones are hard to handle at the best of times. It can be hard to distinguish when you’re being rational and when you’re not, however, your feelings (whether hormone induced or not) are always valid.