#8 Chats with Charlie

 

This week the segment experienced a high number of questions via the AskFM link, thank you all for being so eager and sending so many in! Greatly appreciated and the segment is growing in readers every single week. To deal with this the three remaining unanswered questions will be published next week to keep the segment posts short, snappy and interesting! Again, thank you all for reading and participating!

Now, what are we waiting for? Let’s get stuck in!..

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If you have a question that you want to send anonymously then feel free to send in your Q here!

I’m feeling so rubbish at work at the moment. There is a lot of pressure, everyone’s workloads are too much and it’s not like I get paid a huge salary to match how hard I work. I’ve started looking for other jobs but I’m nervous to tell my manager this… any advice on how to go about it?

cropped-blue-logo.jpgThose people who wake up in the morning and are excited to get showered and head off to work are in the minority – and they have a secret we ALL want to know. How have they managed to bag the job of their dreams? Most people don’t enjoy work, not every single day, that’s the sad reality. Try not to feel alone, be comforted that every single day thousands of people go to work hating their boss, their job and (sometimes) their co-workers.

Though these feelings are normal this doesn’t mean that you should put up with them like many others do.

Full time or part time work can have a massive impact on your emotional well being – clocking in and out every day to feel miserable for eight hours. It’s not healthy, especially when you add in the time you spend outside of work miserable and dreading your next shift.

Your decision to not put up with these feelings is valid and appropriate – especially as you feel your pay doesn’t match the effort you put in.

My first piece of advice would be to speak to your manager about your feelings of unappreciative management and that you are not alone with these feelings. I would suggest that with your other coworkers you create a letter, that you all sign, explaining these feelings and what would make you all happier at work. This way your feelings are not alone and may be taken seriously, you may not have to move jobs and the company may improve for the future. Make sure to keep the letter you write – it’s proof.

If no-one ever speaks up then change never happens.

However, if they don’t make any changes and ignore your feelings you have a valid reason to leave, especially after warning management of your feelings. Once you’ve left it’s rational to think that others may follow you – forcing them to make changes.

These steps also ensure that the news of you seeking new employment opportunities and (eventually) your letter of resignation they are well prepared and have had the opportunity to change your mind. If they don’t act before then ask yourself: “Would I have wanted to continue working for people who know that my job makes me miserable?” 

Good luck!


Hey, so I don’t know if there’s any way you could help but I think I have a problem with moving on. I mean, I was talking to a boy over two years ago (I think he saw it as friends) but I still miss him and it still makes me sad. Is this normal?

cropped-blue-logo.jpgWhy do we all still hopelessly believe in love and chase after it? Time and time again people get their heartbroken yet we all kid yourself to try again. Why? Because one day we won’t have to try again. One day it will just work.

It sounds romantised and over the top but we all desire love in some form – most of us through a partner. Personally, I normally find this love from dogs – not that I’ve never loved someone, just I’ve found that the unconditional love of a dog is more secure and it doesn’t decide that it prefers your best friend. You know?

It doesn’t matter whether you spoke to this guy two years ago or two weeks ago, if you’re still thinking about it then those feelings are still present. Without too much context to this situation, it’s hard to offer advice.

Did your relationship (romantic or not) end amicably? Was he always good to you? If so, why did you stop talking at all?

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It’s so important to realise why you miss him. Do you miss the comfort and support currently or have you missed him every single week of the last two years?

Sometimes it’s easy to fall back onto old feelings to feel comfort, not because you’re still into someone but you need the feelings they once gave you – the security and acceptance. It’s not you want them but you being emotionally vulnerable right now for some reason. It’s easy to get the two feelings confused. Though your feelings may have been present and real for a long time and I’m not doubting that – just ask yourself why you’re having these feelings resurface.

If you are still into this guy after all this time then act on it. Better out than in. 

Sometimes being able to just release your emotions and have someone hear them is enough – bottling up something this strong can have massive effects on your mood. Once the guy knows how you feel then you can realise what to do next: work on it with him or move on.

He may not feel the same or he may also be thinking of you every waking day.

If you haven’t spoken for a long time and he now has a girlfriend I would recommend you move on – think of her feelings and try not to be selfish. If you had him you wouldn’t want a girl from two years ago professing her love. Respect their relationship as you’d want yours to be. This isn’t always easy.

You may not want to go in all guns blazing spamming their phone or waiting outside their house – again, this isn’t always an easy thing to resist. Just talk to them, you may feel that the conversation is anti-climatic and the spark is gone before you confess your feelings again. Or, you might talk until 3am, better to gauge this before anything else.

After that it’s up to you – every type of love is different and the story gets to the ‘happily ever after’ in a different way. It’s hard to know if this guy is yours but wouldn’t you rather try to find out than still be wondering in another two years?

Find your prince charming, and please keep me updated on how it goes, your story has captured my interested and I’m really rooting for you whether he wants you back or gives you the opportunity to set your feelings free and meet someone even better!


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I was in a relationship for six years. This ended a few years ago and I’m happily single now and made peace with the break up a long time ago. But now I struggle to date and can’t stand being tied down to anyone, am I scarred for life?!!

cropped-blue-logo.jpgStruggling to date is completely normal – I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack going on dates with people I’ve known for years! It’s all normal and I really wouldn’t just to conclusions worrying that you’re ‘scarred for life’. Ever thought that maybe you just haven’t found someone else quite as special as your former flame? Let’s be honest, after six years together flame turns into life – you had a life set up with someone for over half a decade and then that ended. It’s a lot to take in, not only by buying ice cream and crappy films but subconsciously. It’s a lot to deal with and that takes time.

Because of this, your heart isn’t going to jump straight into a relationship on the first date with any random man or woman with strong cheek bones – it’s going to take time and commitment. Something your heart and head may be struggling to process right now.

As you’re struggling to get back into the dating lifestyle after all this time it’s important to pinpoint what’s stopping you and why? It sounds like a typical case of dragging around relationship baggage – something plenty of us are guilty of.

You need to find someone who wants to see your baggage, open it up and chuck it away. Someone with the time and patience to understand your current commitment issues and really work on getting to the root them, all of them. 

You’ll know when you’ve met someone worthy of going through all that with because they won’t run away when it gets tough – they’ll just ask why.

In the mean time don’t push away every guy who smiles at you, it’s easy to become weary or a little ‘man-hating’ but don’t be. They can be the best people to talk to – we all sometimes need a male perspective on things!

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Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

15 comments

  1. Kayleigh Zara

    Your advice is always amazing, I definitely agree with your advice to the first question, id do the same x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sarah Eliza

    As always Charlie, your advice is so well thought out and fabulous! I Already can’t wait for the next instalment!
    Sarah x
    saraheliza.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

  3. csmith137

    Very constructive and useful advice as always! I agree with some of the other comments in that it’s nice to know that many of us go through similar things – sometimes the worst part of a problem is how isolated you can feel, like you’re the only person going through it, when in reality so many other people have similar struggles! I love that your blog shows that.

    Carrie x
    http://www.thelipsticktrail.com

    Liked by 1 person

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