#7 Chats with Charlie

Three Q’s are answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.

To enhance this feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!

 

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Fancy sending in your own anonymous question? Send in here!

 

Hey, I was cheated on when I was younger by my first boyfriend, at the age of 14 until I was 17. I did move on and have a baby with someone else which didn’t last long. But, I’ve got this mental block about moving on and the incident has made me deeply insecure about myself. Any advice? Thanks! X

cropped-blue-logo.jpgYou’re a yummy mummy – no need to ever feel insecure. Everyone, man or woman has a beautiful quality about themselves. There’s an age old quote: “Strangers walk past you and think you’re beautiful, so why don’t you see it?’.

 

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Here’s my story on my latest heartbreak – because let’s face it, there will be more.

I would take a stab in the dark and suggest that your insecurities don’t only lie with being cheated on – though three years of being lied to is a long time. No matter what age you are, love hurts and betrayal really does stay with you. The wound you get from being cheated on is a deep cut, a cut that starts to heal with time and care but one that can reopen when prodded. When you start new relationships over the top of the ‘cut’ just the friction of a new relationship trying to take its place can reopen the old wound. Your story sounds a lot like my own, I was with someone at a similar age for a similar amount of time and I was cheated on too. Much like you, that wound is still with me today.

 

It’s with me every time I doubt a boy, every time I check someone’s phone when they go to the toilet or when I ask the same question days later – almost daring them to trip up. Daring someone to hurt me again, and they have. People have hurt me again just like people may hurt you again. Love sucks until you find that one guy who isn’t a complete waste of time.

That guy is out there. The guy who will help you care for your child, a guy who will make your first love feel insignificant. He will see those old wounds and he will understand.

But, you can’t expect this guy (when he comes along) to love you until you love yourself.

You’re a mother, a woman, and a human-fucking-being. These things from the past will because you’re are all of those things. But it’s also those qualities that will heal you.


So, my boyfriend lives with four people and one of them keeps stealing ALL of our food from the fridge. We’ve narrowed it down to two people, we’ve tried calm and aggressive notes, putting laxatives in the food and all sorts of shit but none of it works. They’ll steal anything from a meal we’ve literally just cooked and left for a second and weird stuff like five slices of burger cheese??? The flat works at different times and they can’t really call a meeting and don’t have each other’s numbers. We don’t want to start accusing people and don’t want to ask because they’ll probably deny it but we’ve wasted so much money basically feeding another person and they don’t even take the shit food!

cropped-blue-logo.jpg That’s so damn cheeky – if they’re all in and out of the house at different times to work then guess what? Then CAN all afford food.

I hate to think how long this situation has been going on for you to be at the end of your tether, especially when it sounds like you’ve been trying all different methods to sort the problem before it got to this point. I know one thing for sure – I would love to see the notes you’ve been leaving! I’m a big Friends fan so if it was anything like Ross’ note on his sandwich at work then I’m dying to see!

All jokes aside the thief, the term may seem strong but that’s what they are at this point, is costing you and your boyfriend a small fortune. It’s become obvious that notes (and even diarrhea) aren’t stopping the perpetrator. It’s time for a bolder move. If talking to your the housemates is out the question because of everyone’s schedules I would suggest talking to your landlord. Stealing is stealing.

You shouldn’t need to buy a mini fridge and put it in your room – you’ve wasted enough money feeding this greedy person so why should you both fork out even more? No. It may seem like telling tales to the teacher but if you make it aware to your landlord what’s happening and how you’ve tried to deal with it then they may back your corner. Especially if you use the word ‘stealing’ and try to work out just how much you’ve spent feeding your mystery housemate. An approximate amount will make the allegation more serious and the landlord will see that you aren’t messing around.

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Image courtesy of Pinterest

Just having your boyfriend’s landlord drop a message to all those concerned may stop the thief – especially if a threat is put out there that if the behavior doesn’t stop then action will be taken as stealing is stealing, food costs money. Real life money, money you have to work for and earn. Not money that you’re happy to spend on someone else, sometimes even going that extra mile and cooking for them too.

 

It would be useful to see if any other housemates report this problem to your landlord as most likely it isn’t just you suffering – you may even catch the culprit this way!

 Now, if this approach doesn’t work then I’d be tempted to go a little undercover. Find the inner spy in you and set up your phone or a mini camera – record them in the act. Catch them and approach them with evidence. 

This may seem extreme, which is why I’ve put the idea forward last – however, it’s still an idea and quite a fun one!

You shouldn’t have to purchase a mini fridge or live with someone who thinks that stealing is okay – please, send me a response when this action has been taken, I’m eager to know how your problem gets resolved!


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Another anonymous Q via AskFm!

I drink 6 large cups of coffee a day, is this bad for me?

cropped-blue-logo.jpgMost health professionals recommend:

“Up to 400 milligrams (mg) of caffeine a day appears to be safe for most healthy adults. That’s roughly the amount of caffeine in four cups of brewed coffee or 10 cans of cola.”

But, this can obviously vary from person to person, instead of obsessively beginning to count each milligram I would suggest just taking a look at your overall health. Do you feel lagged without coffee? How are your pooping habits? Do you just have to have a cuppa to start the day?

A teenager in America once overdosed from espresso and Robbie Williams claims to have a 36-a-day habit.

17 year old Jasmine Willis overdosed on seven cups of strong coffee she was burning up, hyperventilating and showing erratic behaviour.

Doesn’t sound like you? It doesn’t sound like anyone. It’s a journey into this state. As per most things coffee is all about moderation, especially when embracing British coffee culture.

Unfortunately, the studies show there is such a thing as too much coffee. Only you know how much caffeine your body can take – are you feeling like a cool, calm and collected coffee drinker? Or more like a jittery obsessive? Don’t consume too much – easy does it, drink wisely!

 

 

 

 

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Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

16 comments

  1. Kayleigh Zara

    I really enjoyed the variety of questions in this post! The coffee one resonated with me because I drink so much coffee but I have zero affects from it because I’m so used to the caffeine! I can’t function without my morning cup of coffee. I also agree that with cheating it can be really hard to shift the long term effects! Thanks for sharing x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

    Liked by 1 person

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