#6 Chats with Charlie

Three Q’s are answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.

To enhance this feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!

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Q sent via anonymous link – send yours in here!

Does sex always have to involve penetration?

cropped-blue-logo.jpgSex should not be solely defined by penetration – sex has all different levels. Everyone, including myself, is guilty of hearing the word sex and thinking ‘penis in vagina’ – I know that’s not what all your cheekies are thinking when you hear that word but let’s not get into that…

Most of us have had the age old argument ‘is lesbian sex – sex?’ Some people tend to argue that as they don’t have a penis to go into the vagina then how is it sex? This is ridiculous! Sex is the intimacy enjoyed by two consenting people. It doesn’t matter what goes where or what’s being put in what – we should accept that sex is sex. Whether you’re on your knees or on your back.

Sex is a huge word that we all throw around – a lot. Sometimes defining the act can be difficult but going all the way shouldn’t be solely seen as the end goal. People can perform sexual acts without having to penetrate a penis into a vagina. What about lesbian sex? What about the times awkward times when you realise a little late that you have no sexual chemistry and the other times when people just touch each other and feel so in the moment they don’t need to go any further?

Sex will, for the near future at least, always be defined as penetration – but times are are changing and sex is too. More and more people are engaging in foreplay and a lot of it.

It’s an exciting time for sex, and let’s be honest – sex getting more exciting is never going to be a bad thing!

We don’t need to label everything so black and white – sex is colorful and how we describe it should be too!


 

Thoughts? I was offered work away from where I live, five days a week, so I’d have to stay away for the week and come back for the weekend but the travel is a six hour round trip so I’d be spending pretty much all my time working and traveling. The pay is very good, however, I’m not sure it’s worth the move…

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cropped-blue-logo.jpgFirst thing – congratulations! You’ve been offered work with good pay and with it been given the opportunity to change your life! This is such an exciting decision to have to make – not an easy one – but exciting! So many people long for a change in their life and you’re been offered just that with the bonus of better pay.

There are many things to take into perspective when debating this offer. Are you happy currently? What would you be leaving behind for five days a week? Do you fancy packing up and starting a new life with this new job? If you don’t want to spend all your time commuting then it’s time to think about the possibility of moving – if the job is long term. That way your money is spent on your future and building your life (and the odd alcoholic beverage!) rather than commuting.

From your messag, it seems that the only negative about the job is the travelling, so ask yourself – what is your life like here? Do you have a wife and kids? Are you settled and happy? Is this job the best offer or are there others out there? Your life has just blown wide open with opportunity and you basically have three options…

  1. Take the job, pack your bags and start your new job with a new life! Put your middle finger up the the commute each week and stay enjoying a new life.
  2. Take the job but commute, your life is settled at home and you enjoy the friends and family you have around you – they will understand the decision and you can cope with being away.
  3. Leave the job, life is good and you’re truly happy and already achieving your potential – there are other jobs, your life doesn’t need a kick start because why would you want to change anything?

No one can tell you what’s the best decision here, only you know how happy you are in your life and how big the opportunity is to change up your lifestyle.

The biggest question I always ask myself with things like this is – in five years time, how I’m living my life now, where will I end up? Do you like that place and the pace you’re moving? That’s the bigger question, not the job or who you’re leaving behind but where you want your life (and it is just yours, no one else’s should affect this) to end up and if you’re taking the right steps to get there.


I’m in a relationship that I’m not sure is worth continuing. I feel like I’m the only person putting any effort in! Any advice?

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cropped-blue-logo.jpgRelationships can have bad patches and then you can just have bad relationships. The ones that have proper gone to shit.

We’ve all been there when the good night kisses become sleeping back to back and you’re not allowed to play your music in the car anymore because it’s ‘annoying’. No, just me? 

If you feel like you’re the only one that’s putting the effort in then it’s time to have the conversation. Not a half arsed comment or quiet mood but a sit down, face-to-face ‘this just isn’t enough’ conversation.

Everyone deserves attention, love and respect. We all like to be asked how our day has been and told our new haircut is cute – even when it’s really not.

If you’ve done this already countless times, and trust me I’ve been there, then it’s time to ask yourself if you’re being oversensitive and looking for a problem or if your partner really isn’t doing the work they did right at the start.

People can become laid back in relationships and definitely a little lazy – it’s a comfortable kind of love. It’s the opinion whether your love is comfortable or crappy.

As you’re already debating whether the relationship is continuing you need to wonder if you’d want to be in a relationship with someone who’s debating just how ‘worth their time’ it really is. Apart from the effort is anything else bothering you? Is there a reason for your partners diverted attention?

I’d start off with a conversation, doesn’t matter if you’ve had it before – have it again. Ask why they’re putting in less effort and ask if they’re happy with how the relationship is going. Talk about it and then talk some more. If they refuse to even have the conversation then ask yourself why this is – do they not care or is their attention diverted because of a genuine reason? Basically, are they still playing Fifa while you’re in tears or are they slumped in bed truly depressed?

You deserve attention and your partner needs to give it you naturally, you shouldn’t have to beg or yell – they should want to give you that effort you so desire.

After all this if you’re still not getting anywhere it’s time to decide how to react – a permanent reaction. Whether you need to end the relationship and find someone who really values you or if your partner is the one needing some extra attention because of a more deep rooted issue that’s distracting them.

A relationship has two sides, both sides have equal value and both stories hold three sides: yours, theirs and the truth. Find the truth to this behavior and you will find your answer!

 

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Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

20 comments

  1. YES YES AND YES. Sex isn’t only the penetration. There are multiple things that can count as sex. Just being creative is all that I think is the thing in it.
    Great answers to a great questions once again 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so helpful ain’t it?? I find it helpful having to properly think our answers as makes me reflect on my own problems! If you ever need help feel free to send via the link xo

      Like

  2. Kayleigh Zara

    I’m really loving your agony aunt series – you give the best answers. Not sure what I would do on the work question, if you’re not making amazing money and it’s a lot of effort to travel than is it really worth it? X

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

    Liked by 1 person

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