Three Q’s are answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.
To enhance this feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!
Is masturbation really bad for *you*? And is there an amount considered too much?
Masturbation is normal, healthy and for a lot of people bloody good fun. It’s always great to be comfortable with your own body and experiment to see what you like and are comfortable with. It should never be looked upon as bad or unnatural – 95% of men do it frequently. Not forgetting the 89% of women who also love about of ‘me time’.
If you’re feeling a little concerned about how much play time you’re allowing yourself a week then take a peek at these stats…
If you’re a little scientific in your thinking and these numbers comfort you (not too comforting mind up – ey ey!) then feel free to see more what they came from here.
It’s so healthy in fact that getting your blood pumping to that region can mean you perform better when the real thing happens: “Bringing blood flow to the tissues and keeping those nerves fresh and firing” says sex therapist Castellanos. Who doesn’t want to keep themselves ready to fire?
However, masturbating too much can be damaging. You want to make sure that when another partner is added to the mix you don’t struggle to enjoy yourself because you’re got so used to only enjoying… yourself.
It has been reported in the past that sometimes people get so good at masturbating that they cannot cum any other way – talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
This can happen to both men and women – whether it’s that you suddenly can’t cum without thirty different PornHub tabs open or without a vibrator on its highest possible setting. Sex therapists have said that your brain can become conditioned to only fully perform with those particular scenarios. Nobody wants that.
If this has happened then it’s all about changing your brain – change hands or positions or just turn off that busy brain! Refrain for a week or so. Shock your body back into submission!
So – relax. Enjoy yourself. But maybe try to enjoy yourself in small doses!
Me and my boyfriend broke up a couple weeks ago, we left it on really good terms but haven’t spoken since which I’m happy about tbh. The thing is I have some stuff he got me for birthdays and Christmas etc including a build a bear which is him in bear form and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t want to throw it out cos it cost him actual money and I would feel really bad. But I get mad sometimes cos he said he can now kiss girls at parties cos we’re not together now as if he wanted to before but couldn’t cos he had a girlfriend. Plus some other stuff. But yeah.
These feelings are all totally normal. Relationships suck as they all end… until you find that one that never does.
However, until you reach that relationship chances are you’re going to have a fair few heart breaks to deal with before then. Welcome to life, meet love. Shitty love.
Different people deal with break ups in different ways. Depending on the break up I’d tell you to do different things with their belongings. Personally, I’ve done everything from setting to fire to the cutest little teddy bears all the way to saving cinema tickets that are now two years out of date.
It’s all about how you feel post relationship – and not a couple of weeks after when you’re mad as hell over wasted time and upset because they’re giving some other girl the attention you deserved. No, no, no. It’s about six months from now when you want to reminisce, or six years from now when you want to remember the good times.
Ask yourself – are you going to remember this boy for the rest of your life? And then, do you want to remember this boy for the rest of your life?
I’d keep, throw out or rip apart the things he got you depending on the answers to these questions. Don’t let the money behind the gifts have any place in your decision – I’ve sold expensive Thomas Sabo bracelets and kept £1 necklaces from holidays away with my loved one. It’s the memory – not the money.
Alternatively, if you’re worried you’re going to spend your next six weeks holding onto these belongings and building a shrine then it could be time for some tough love and to throw away those things before you totally lose it. He’s already taken your heart, don’t let your dignity go to this guy too!
Also, it sounds to me like you’re wanting to rid yourself of these items because of a knee-jerk reaction to his own behavior. Don’t let his behavior now cloud your time together.
People lash out when they’re sad. It’s horrible and it hurts and trust me, I know how you’re feeling as I’m still holding onto stuff said to me a few months ago.
He’s either saying those things because he has no respect for you or because he wants to hurt you – neither is okay and only one of those is even slightly understandable. Just don’t let his behavior now determine yours.
Good luck with your broken heart, you’ll need it. This is the first question I’ve had that’s really made me think of my own past situations – feel free to drop another question if needs be!
I always feel boring when I’m around my friends. they all have fun and I’m always the person laughing at the jokes (or the butt of them) and never the one making the jokes. they all have sex and do lots and I’m just that fun to them
You are not boring. Nobody is. It’s okay if right now you haven’t found yourself and life is a little too much.
There are two things that your feelings could be attributed to low self-esteem OR not fitting into your friendship group.
Both of these things suck. However, you can work on both.
When you’re around your friends do you wish you were more like them? Do you share their views and wish you had the confidence to say the jokes you have pop up into your head? If so, then I’d take an educated guess that low esteem and a little bit of social anxiety is having a huge effect on your life. I should know, it did on mine.
I wrote How I Scared off Social Anxiety about my own experiences, take a look and I hope you take comfort that your feelings are shared by thousands every day. I’m not just sharing that piece with you as a bit of self-promotion – it’s always good to read about others in the same position, especially those who overcame the emotional obstacles.
Not everyone is as confident as they seem. Some are better at masking their feelings than others – it’s sad as that can normally mean they’ve had a lot of practice. So don’t always take people from how they seem. Share with your friends how you feel and you’ll most likely be surprised by the response you receive. If not then maybe wonder if you want to be friends with these people at all?
Are your feelings of oppression still there when you’re around other people or do you thrive in new environments where you can be yourself? If so I’d say it’s simply down to the company you’re keeping.
It’s trying to gauge the difference from feeling like an outcast in your friendship group or getting sweaty and uncomfortable when it’s your turn to pay at the shopping centre. Two very different things.
Who cares if your friends are having sex and cracking more jokes than you? You shouldn’t. Everyone’s personality is different and everyone grows into the person they should be at their own rate – you are fine just as you are. It’s whether you’re happy with that person. It’s also whether you want to have sex as from how you phrased it in your question I don’t feel fully satisfied that a sexual relationship is what you want – or need – right now. However, without more detail on this I don’t want to comment without knowing your own feelings – feel free to send more information anonymously and I will respond before next weeks segment.
I would suggest talking to your family or close friends about your feelings. Making new friends can also give yourself a chance to thrive as you haven’t got any old expectations to worry about – just your first impression.
As I’ve dealt with social anxiety myself, like many others, I am more than happy to offer further support – feel free to contact me via email or Twitter. All links below/my contact me page.