#4 Chats with Charlie

Three Q’s are answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.

To enhance this feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!


I’m a very sexual person but recently I haven’t been wanting to have sex with my boyfriend, what is wrong with me? I’m still head over heels in love with him.

cropped-blue-logo.jpgLove and lust can be two totally separate things. So can love and your sex drive. Don’t worry that something is ‘wrong with you’ or that your relationship may be on the rocks. You’ve already said that the love is still there and alive.

A number of things could be affecting your sex life: body confidence, sex drive, hormones, repetitive sex, lack of excitement, a little problem down there… the list is endless. But, so is the list of how to remedy these things!

Has your sex drive dropped altogether or do you find yourself fantasising about others? This is where the big question lies. When you’ve been with someone a long time things get very comfortable – we’ve all fallen victim to a little relationship chub. This comfortable and relaxed behavior can also impact a couples sex life. You now know every single inch of each other – what more is there to know you ask yourself? So much more! Try spicing things up! Try flirting throughout the day again, cuddling on the sofa and touching instead of sitting either side of the sofa scrolling through your feeds. Do what you did at the start of the relationship and really give each other that physical attention. Do you know how long science says it takes a woman to be fully turned on? 20 bloody minutes. And men? Not even 20 seconds sometimes.

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Drop me a Q via AskFm.

Talk to your boyfriend, he’s most likely noticed the dip in sex and is either wondering why, feeling rejected or maybe he’s ready for everything to be ‘spruced up’ too! Don’t think of this all as a bad thing, think of how exciting it is to be so comfortable with someone that you can try these new things and share those experiences with.

bustle

Study courtesy of Bustle

If, this doesn’t work ask yourself why? Are you still attracted to your significant other? All these conversations can be had not only with yourself but also with your boyfriend. Sex is between you both and you both deserve to be in this conversation. Has either of you gained a considerable amount of weight or are feeling stressed?

As people mature their libidos do drop. It’s just how nature goes. You don’t need to be ripping each other’s clothes of every single second but you do need to feel sexy and comfortable with yourself. Plus, who doesn’t want to feel satisfied?!

When the sex stops it isn’t about looking under the covers but looking to each other – it’s not why aren’t we having sex but how can we improve it?

Relax, lie back and enjoy yourself!


Is it normal to be stressed over lack of money, being tired all the time and worried over university?

cropped-blue-logo.jpgHave you met other students? Yes, of course you have! This is normal and let’s be honest – hopefully, to counteract this you’re having the best time of your life. Want to know just how normal your feelings are? Check out Urban Dictionary, see below!

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Urban Dictionary hits the nail on the head with this one!

This sound like you? Try to take a deep breath and relax. With whatever you have left in your overdraft I suggest you buy a planner and start to plan your week ahead of time. This way you can track your spends (maybe buy fewer shots in the club) and timetable in study time so that you have to share your time between socialising and studying fairly and responsibly.
However, I’m not dismissing your feelings. These little tricks may help with your routine and may even make you spend a little less but university life is no joke – it’s really bloody hard. I should know, I’m just about to dive head first into my third and final year.
I’m sure you’ve seen many quit due to workload or fail because they’ve fallen behind but it’s important to think about why you’re doing the degree and your own end goal. If that’s too much pressure then set yourself little goals and break things down. Need to find a work placement? Here are the small goals: reading over your CV and making amendments, browsing work placement ideas online, discussing your work placement and applying. If you can’t manage then it’s simple – break things down into manageable loads just like you would a physical load.
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Since 2010 there has been a 210% increase in university drop outs due to mental health – the problem is real. The help is real too. All universities offer support and have things in place for when it’s a little tough. everybody finds it tough at times, it’s just some are better at hiding that pure panic when you get a bad grade or forget a big deadline.

It’s all about managing your time, realistically handling your stress and responsibility splitting your time.


I have a crush. But I got also a girlfriend of two years. I’ve kissed this new girl a couple times and I know that it’s not cheating unless I shag her but I’m unsure what to do about my girlfriend.

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cropped-blue-logo.jpgMy blog has no room for judgment – this is a safe space where nobody needs to feel a fear of a question they may send in. Yours will be answered, as always, with respect and care. Your girlfriend would not feel this way – cheating is cheating, end of.

You have a crush – harmless enough. Until you decide to act upon those temporary feelings, as that’s exactly what a crush is. Temporary. 

How thick and fast these feelings have come it’s more than likely they will disappear just as quick. All you will be left with is guilt and a very upset girlfriend. As she will find out. They always find out. It’s normal to have these temporary little crushes from time to time, especially during a long term relationship. The mind wanders, but your lips should stay firmly closed. It’s all about restraint and respect. 

After two years together how would you feel if your girlfriend were to act upon her desires for other men? As you’ve said that you are ‘unsure what to do about your girlfriend’ it’s important to look at this question. You don’t ‘do’ anything about your girlfriend, she is not a robot – she will decide how to react to your admission of guilt. As that’s what you need to do here.

Sex is cheating. Kissing is cheating. Flirtation with intent is cheating – it’s emotionally cheating on the relationship you have with another. It’s all cheating. You can paint it in a different light or you can even try kid yourself but it’s simple. 

Why do you feel attracted to this woman in the first place? Is it because she’s new and exciting and your relationship is getting a little mundane? Are you happy in your own relationship? Establishing the desire to cheat is crucial – is there a reason or are you just wanting an excuse?

My biggest piece of advice would be this – if you like two people, choose the second, because if you loved the first person that much you’d have never noticed the other.

Your girlfriend deserves the truth before this goes any further – you either owe her the truth or you don’t deserve to be with her. But the choice of how to handle this situation was hers the second you chose to kiss another female.

Look at yourself and please, think, is this who you want to be? Is this how your girlfriend deserves to be treated? I really hope you answer both of those correctly. With a big fucking no.

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Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heart breaks – if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

14 comments

    • Thank you so much – really appreciate that and it’s ever so kind of you, really such a sweet and generous thing of you to do! I’ll check it out now!

      Ps, so glad you enjoy reading my stuff – please keep reading!
      xo

      Liked by 1 person

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