To enhance the feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!
Three will be answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.
Recently I moved in with my boyfriend, however, I’m getting really frustrated as he won’t let me go down on him because he’s been getting self-conscious about skin tags on his penis, it’s getting so annoying as I don’t care and I’ve told him it’s okay. I’ve also told him to go to the doctors if it’s concerning him so much, but he said it’s fine, and he won’t. He won’t even go down on me when I’m horny so I don’t know what to do! It’s been going on now for around two months and I’m getting to the end of my patience, but I’m trying to stay positive and a caring girlfriend because it is something that is really bothering him.
I truly admire your patience here! It’s hard feeling constantly rejected sexually – especially by someone you’ve been with for a considerable amount of time. It doesn’t only sound like you’re ‘trying ‘ to be a positive and caring girlfriend but that you are one!
I would be interested in determining whether the lack of sex is just to do with the skin tags or is also linked to recently moving in together. Sometimes moving in together can take the flame out of a relationship – that honeymoon period can quickly fade once morning breath, smelly washing piles and lack of personal space is all mixed together. Why did you move in? Was it through necessity or choice?
I’d double check he’s still 100% on living together and the relationship. Sometimes it’s a simple as moving a little fast and scaring the poor lad.
You seem very understanding, and patient (if a little sexually frustrated) – offering to still give oral to your boyfriend shows both how eager you are to engage sexually and that you are not bothered by his skin tags. Something he shouldn’t feel self-conscious about. Skin tags are perfectly normal and affect a high proportion of the population. Writing this I actually realised I have a couple – learn something new every day!
I would advise that as he’s got more than just one skin tag on his penis, which sounds unusual for him due to his reaction to them, that he should seek medical attention. Just to double-check that a) they are in fact skin tags and 2) nothing peculiar is causing them. Most fall off on their own, some can be removed at home and some can be removed by a doctor. Let him take his pick but I would (especially if you’re wanting to have sex) want to know why they’ve suddenly appeared. It could be as simple as the hot weather causing him to sweat more down there – we’ve all seen boys rearranging when the sun’s out – but it could also be something a little less innocent. Doesn’t hurt to be sure. For his piece of mind, and yours.
How’s the rest of relationship? Aside from the lack of sex do you still go on dates? Cuddle? I’d be interested to know if you still make out and flirt – this would suggest that it’s purely his current low self-esteem affecting your sex life and nothing else. My main concern would be trying to figure if it’s just the skin tags or if it’s the relationship. In your heart you probably know the answer to this – either way, talk to him. Get him to go to the doctor – harmless enough they need checking and removing if they’re bothering him that much.
It’s so important to communicate. However, I do feel him constantly rejecting you sexually should be something he addresses and talks to you about without you needing to spell it out to him. His rejection is going to affect the relationship. You deserve more. You deserve a good shag! And, a bloody good boyfriend – just ask yourself if he’s still one.
What’s the best way to tackle writer’s block?
This is an unusual question for this segment as most focus on relationships or families however this is a good question! Writer’s block is such a pain in the ass! It’s not just feeling like you’re lagging but actually feeling unlike yourself. I’ve personally found that whenever I’m struggling to write it’s because I’m kind of on a middle ground – I’m neither upset enough to vent in my diary or motivated enough to whack out three articles in one day. It’s a weird middle ground where you, as a wordsmith, feel stifled!
When tackling writer’s block I’d advise relaxing. Most good things take work and focus but the writing needs to come naturally. If it doesn’t you can always tell. I can go weeks without touching my diary but other times I need to check in four times in one day – yes, that’s happened. I have weeks where my laptop doesn’t stray further than a metre from me wherever I am. Other weeks where I couldn’t even tell you where my charger is – or the nearest pen.
I’d always suggest just finding what makes you tick. Most people find that taking a walk in the fresh air gets the blood pumping and brain clogs moving.
Never force writing, just help it. Can’t write right now? Read instead.
Find your voice (metaphorically) again by reading other peoples. I’ve found nothing makes me write more than reading a view I don’t agree with, haha!
How can I be sure when it’s time to end a relationship? What if I’m going to regret it? Can I not just take a break?
Relationships are hard work. Break ups can be hard or easy. Depends on which role you play – the dumper or the dumpee. If you wanted the relationship to end. If you’re still head over heels in love. There are so many variations and every relationship is different!
Most of the time when someones debating the end of a relationship I like to say this: put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you knew someone had to ‘debate’ whether to stay with you or not would you want to be with them at all? Everybody wants someone to love them, unconditionally. A relationship should never be a question mark.
How long have you been having these feelings? Why are you having these feelings? Why is a ‘break’ even an option? Relationships don’t work when ‘time out’s’ are needed.
They’re hard work but in order for it to work, you need to think it’s worth all that time, effort and emotion.
All relationships go through rough patches, but not all of them come out the other side together and stronger. What you really need to ask yourself is if you want to come out the other side with your partner or without? But…
please remember it’s unfair to play with somebodies feelings just because you’re unsure of your own.
Not that I don’t sympathise, I do. Everyone goes back and forth when it comes to breaking up with someone. Don’t write out a list of pro’s and con’s like they do in the movies. Just think of these few things: how much are you daydreaming about being without your partner? Why don’t you want to be with them? How long have you felt this way? etc.
Then, when you answer those questions honestly, think what you’d advise a friend. Be honest. Is it healthy to feel how you’re feeling? Remember, peeople can change and learn – but feelings can change too.
You may be just having a little tantrum, that is sometimes necessary, but by next week you’ll be over it. Or, it may be the end – and that’s okay too.