Advice AGONY AUNT Feature opinion Personal

#2 Chats with Charlie

After the success of my first Chat’s With Charlie post, I have decided to continue the feature on a weekly basis! Eeeeeeek, exciting! Check out the link above if you fancy reading the first installment!

To enhance the feature and get even more of you sending in questions I’ve also made an anonymous link (via good old Ask.fm) for anyone and everyone to send in any Q’s anonymously. Fancy sending in a question this way? Go ahead… All questions get answered!

Three will be answered every week so if yours isn’t loaded this week it will be next – but answers left to wait will be sent via personal message ASAP. Just loaded online the following week. This is to keep the segment short and snappy but also ensure that those wanting help get it ASAP.

This week’s installment seems to be a single life special!


 

I’ve been through a hard break-up recently, I found it tough to move on. But should I look to have ‘have fun’ (aka just sex) or look for something more?

Image result for listening cartoonMoving on is always difficult, and, sadly most break-ups are incredibly difficult too. There is the age old saying that ‘to get over one person you need to get under someone else’. 

This is not true, nor is it healthy. You can’t simply ‘flush’ someone special out of your system. What about the next time you go past the cafe you always had lunch in or find something silly of theirs like a hair clip or… well, you get my point.

I would never advise someone going through a breakup to actively seek out a romantic relationship straight away. Imagine how that person would feel knowing they’re a rebound? You can’t give your all to someone if you’re still in love with someone else.

Focus on yourself, focus on finding out all over again who you are – without that other person. With each relationship, we grow and learn about both other people and sharing our lives. In the same way that with each breakup we need time to heal and learn about ourselves.

I’d just recommend you to relax and try not over think so much. Getting over someone isn’t a snap choice between casual sex or a serious relationship. It’s whatever happens naturally and as I notice that neither of your ‘ultimatums’ is to just take a step back from dating then I’d recommend you maybe try do just that. Pick you. Focus on yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness.

Hang out with friends. Cry over crappy movies. Check out strangers. Just do you. 


I’ve been single now for a while and want to find someone to date, something casual and not so serious but I’m shite at talking to girls so it doesn’t go well any advice?

Image result for listening cartoonAny advice? Of course! You’ve come to the right place.

It’s interesting how you say in the same sentence that you both want someone to date but also want something not so serious. Seems to me you keep wanting to put yourself out there but haven’t quite got the confidence in yourself yet. Hence why you’ve tried to play off your desire straight away. I would also advise that this lack of confidence is probably the reason why you have been single for so long. 

I doubt you’re ‘shite’ at talking to girls. My thoughts? Your entire question screams lack of confidence. If I feel that from two lines then other girls may be picking up from that when you approach them.

Everybody has something to offer. You just got to figure out what that is. Why is your confidence so low? Are you happy? Do you work? Do you enjoy it? These are ALL things I would suggest addressing first. Find the root of this lacking self-confidence and try work on it. This is both important for dating and for yourself. Mostly for yourself.

YOU are great and deserve to feel it. Naff, I know but low self-esteem is something nobody should suffer from.


So I’ve just come out of a breakup, and I still want to be friends with the guy but I don’t think I can stay friends because eventually I’ll have to see them date other people and I don’t know how I’d feel about that. I don’t know if it’s best to ax him off completely or stay friends and watch him date other people? Because I know both will hurt.

Image result for listening cartoonGod this is always a hard one. I, like most girls, must have asked myself this question a million times over boys. Lots of factors need to be taken into account.

I’m assuming as you still want to be friends the breakup was mutual and for the best and not because of any wrongdoing by either party. This is fantastic – if I’m right, really hope I am.

I’m a firm believer in a little saying that ‘If two lovers can stay friends after a breakup they’re either still in love or never were’. Are you still in love? It’s difficult without knowing the big question on why you decided to call it quits but if it’s going to hurt seeing them date someone else then it’s simple – either don’t be around to see it or get back with the guy. Because, my thoughts, you’re still in love.

Love sucks and I really do feel for you. If you can’t make this work, and I’m really not saying go for it as I am not sure why you broke up, then take some space. Space works miracles. Space and time. 

Think of it this way. How will it feel to watch this guy being okay and maybe being with someone else? It will hurt. A lot. If something physically hurts (like heartbreak does) do you keep just letting something hurt you? No.

I also like to think that when you’re not around and you seem to be getting on with your life they really start to think about you more. The less they know the more they wonder. Don’t you want to make him wonder? What’s she doing? Where is she? Is she happy? 

That’s just my advice but please don’t be the girl who has to watch her guy. Be the woman who’s getting on with her life so well that if he wants to be in it, he has to show it. If he doesn’t show it then helllllll, you’re too busy getting on with your life to even notice.

It’s time to let go and let loose. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Just don’t waste months waiting around to see when you could spend that time doing exactly what I’ve said above!


Please note that all messages sent will be answered with sensitivity and honesty. If you want some advice to feel free to contact me via Facebook, Twitter or email and I will answer via a post, you will be kept anonymous. As I said above I also have an anonymous link that proves to be very popular so send in here if that sounds like you!

Answer ‘ears’ courtesy of Wiki.
Feature Image courtesy of Pixabay.

Disclaimer: All questions are answered by myself. My views come from my own little heartbreaks (if any can be little) and a Psychology A-Level. I am not a professional but do offer a willing ear to all. If and when necessary I will advise more educated help.

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