Two hours of my life I will never get back.
The only exciting part of the new 50 Shades Darker was when the credits rolled up at the end.
Sadist millionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Durran) returned to our cinema screen with not a sexy ‘bang’ but a whimpered cry and even worse acting than before.
Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) showed a little more promise. That god-awful ‘habit’ of biting her lip throughout the first film whenever someone seemingly took a breathe was forgotten.
I can respect it’s hard, taking a series of books that weren’t well written with unrealistic story lines and not even that weirdly wonderful sex is difficult. But that’s why adaptions are made, where directors step in and shuffle things up a little.
Not one scene had chemistry between the two main characters, the seemingly endless sex scenes were a happy escape from the painfully awkward scenes where Anastasia and Grey actually had to hold a conversation – god forbid!
The most chemistry throughout the entire film was when Anastasia’s boss was trying to bed her, and that wasn’t too smooth – especially since that little fling ended with attempted rape. Until the last scene of the film saw his return, putting the films foot in the door ready for the following film.
Author E. L. James must be laughing her way through her pay cheques. The lucky lady in literature now has an estimated net worth of a whopping $80 million! Shouldn’t matter to her the reviews for her books, and now the following films, receive as no matter what she now has a healthy bank account for the foreseeable future.
Cosmopolitan ran an article that were the fifteen worst reviews on Jamie Durran’s acting, he has been ripped apart. Click here to read that very article!
Though the film was far from sexy, it was funny. That may not have been the aim of the film but not a single person in the theatre left before the credits rolled up, and I can comfortably say I saw people debating it. When Anastasia bent over in a weirdly fitting lingerie get-up and had to suck on some *cough cough* beads before Christian inserted them into her lady parts, well, the theatre was in stitches.
Especially when Anastasia laughed and then squirmed herself – can’t let those bad boys fall out!
People also laughed when the helicopter crashed – seemingly for little point and more for a dramatic episode.
This is a film you pay to see to be part of a trend, to load a photo onto Instagram of your cheeky ’50 Shades’ cinema ticket to then moan to your friends how bad and boring it truly was.